Journal Entry #120

I make a terrible businessman.

I hate 'entertaining' clients and whenever someone entertains me (as a client), I feel obliged. I'm probably most suited to be the client instead of the businessman who's trying to wring every cent out of your pocket which is the intention of the so-called 'entertainment' in the first place.

Mother has always said that I was too soft. Soft is good isn't it? After all, that's where compassion comes from. Alas, that's also where misplaced compassion comes from. I've been told time and again to be at least a little more firm. Well, I can't help it if I'm a total sap. Blame it on the gene pool that I came from.

With a family history of aristocracy & academics in ancient (and I really mean ancient) China, I feel cheated; as though I was born a couple of hundred years too late. At least back in those days, they were somebody.

Now, just to make a name as a photographer, I have to sell my soul and plead with Lucifer himself. Not that I wouldn't have done it anyway. I am, however, totally bribable. Geez, if I was a girl, I'd probably end up as a hooker. But, fortunate as it may seem, I'm spared the option of the oldest profession. I might make a good Geisha though. After all, I am quite rhythmic.

I'm no idea why but whenever NH is around, my lips just seal shut. Probably due to all the post-mortems that he does of me once we're alone. He gets overly critical sometimes but I'll have to admit, there are times when I am quite "off" as well. Completely missing the point, subject matter at hand and going way off course. Which brings me back to the beginning which is, I make a terrible businessman.